RIP JERK OFF BLOG

Saw that Sean randomly (well, not that random) commented on my last entry here.


No non jerk off escapades for yours truly this year. I thought I would give myself at least one year off of this ungodly conquest that I went through three years in a row. Whether that entails that I am indeed weaker this year or whether I'm a stronger man is left for argument. I don't jerk off nearly as much as I did in my youth (early 20's) but still find enough me time on a weekly basis. Lent has already been going for a lil while now and I cannot imagine myself torturing myself four years in a row. To be honest I was a bad catholic boy this year for lent and did not plan ahead of time to quit anything in particular. I however have not had meat on Fridays but that is a suckers game and nothing compared to holding it in my pants for the past three years. I will miss my this place as a ground for me to vent and whine about my pecker though. It was a nice excuse for me to write and I tried to keep it as entertaining as possible for the readers. But alas, I shall strive for creative outputs in other medias and journals. I plan on getting the other blog a rolling soon and my firedanterhaar blog is always on my mind. I thank sean for commenting on my last post here to inspire me to at least scribble a few lines together to lay this beast to rest.

To celebrate the closing of this blog for at least a year I shall go ejaculate to something arousing.

With Love,


RP McMurphy

Days 26-38

It has been a while so I figured I would at least come here to inform the public that I am still gold. Last time I checked in I was very pessimistic. The days were going by so slow. Now as I stand tall on day thirty eight I have not one negative thought on my weighty goal. A new month equals a full, decaffeinated, pube bearded, little man. Nine days stand in the way of corruption for me and I couldn't be happier. I think this is my last go around for this bitch. The mental strain during the middle of the conquest is too much to handle. I wish the pain on no one, not even on my biggest enemy.

Recently I started taking sleeping aid's again. They really are great if you can get past the drowsiness in the morning. One of the positives is that you have some pretty vivid dreams. I had forgot about those. Now you would think a man in my current condition would have some pretty rocking sexual adventures in his dreams. And yes, I sort of did. The fucked up thing is that the only one I can really remember is one where I wasn't getting any sort of external pleasure from someone else but that I was simply just jerking off. The image is very clear in my head still. Just watching myself jerking off to nothing. It was very cruel. I realized what was happening and was telling myself, "No! You're almost to your goal! What are you doing!" I came a mile in my dream and immediately woke up saying out loud, "What the fuck?" No nocturnal emission. God is so cruel that he wouldn't even let me relieve myself naturally.

I don't know when my attitude turned around but I'm pretty sure it was shortly after this experience. Nine days to go folks. There is light at the end of the tunnel and I am moving towards it swiftly.

-thoy

Nocturnal Emissions: 0
Confidence: 80%

Days 21, 22, 23, 24, & 25

Easy goes it I suppose. Not much to report but I figured I'd check in. I have been kind of down on this whole experience this past week. Wondering why I do it. Whats the point? Who cares, right? All regular speed bumps I'm used to by now. I don't know though, I might not have the energy and will to complete it this year. Over half way done. It seems like its been forever though. If I break it down I have three weeks left. That doesn't sound as bad but still, I have my doubts. One week at a time is what I tell myself. Days are too painful but weeks represent days off the calendar and that is all I pursue in life. I hope April arrives with a new string of confidence.

I had a few cocktails on St. Patty's day but they were with diet, non caffeinated soda so I feel alright about that.

Should of quite the cigs.

Down and out on this bitch.

-thoy.

Nocturnal Emissions: 0
Confidence: 10%

Days 15,16,17,18,19, & 20

So If I do the math I'm close to half way there. Under a month to go. That is nice I suppose. However, St. Patrick's Day is tomorrow and when I think back to last year on St. Patrick's Day I felt like I was a lot further on in the quest for a free trip into heaven. And when I looked back on it, I was indeed on day 41. Man that sounds so much better than day 20. Eff you lent for starting later this year. I was six days away than and I'm 4 weeks away now. That sucks. Oh well, I'll keep trucking on the best that I can. The first part of the week went swell and fast. I began the process of dwindling down my porn collection. It is a slow process. I can't subject myself to too much at a time or I kind of lose my mind. But I remained confident and proud. Once again though, the weekend rolled around and I was hit with some unexpected issues. Saturday during the day was fine and the evening was great because I accompanied the illman to the gopher game (they won and are in the final five now) but the later part of the evening became a little spontaneous. I'll just say it right now...the strip club is not a good place for somebody who has not jerked off for 18 days. Not only that but strippers don't care about the fact that you have not jerked off in 18 days. Thankfully I was not tortured with a lap dance. That could of becum messy. God that is gross. I came home and took three shots of whiskey and immediately iced my balls for the remainder of the night until I passed out. Torture I tell you.

This is all history though and it is just one more feat to add to the list of my MOYD accomplishments. I hope to make it through this week swimmingly. Tonight I'm busy. Tomorrow I'm drunk. And the rest of the week I'm pretty occupied with work and such. Its the weekends I dread. As far as the soda addiction goes, I still crave a cold Mountain Dew after or during work. That is the hardest part. The headaches have slowly gone away but that might be an illusion because I have been popping a lot of pain relievers for this tooth ache that I have had the past few weeks. Tomorrow I will more than likely relapse because I can't really see myself not having a Jameson-coke. I feel alright about that though. Sean posted an article about how and why to quit drinking soda. It was quite nice of him to do that. It mentions the health and diet aspects of quitting. I knew about those and I have heard of weight loss stories of people who simply just relieved themselves of soda. I don't think that applies to me though. I kind of just filled the void of caffeine with half gallons of chocolate milk in a day and a ton of Gatorade. So I'm still drinking a ton of sugar. The article didn't touch on whether or not Gatorade is healthier for you but I can only assume it is at least a little bit better than four sodas a day. I don't see myself losing weight because of this though but that is alright because I'm comfortable, confident, jerk free man. The beard is coming in at a slow rate. I warned of this but Sean felt the need to make me feel bad about it anyway. My brother stopped shaving for lent as well so we kind of look identical at work since I cut my hair. So many frequent costumers start talking to me like I'm him and don't realize it until I say something. That is kind of entertaining. So I'm going to go prepare some toasts for tomorrow. Most of them will be about me not whacking off and I will be giving them to myself because I don't have any plans for tomorrow as of now. I'm going to try to put something together over on the other blog tonight in honor of the glorious holiday so you can check that out later if you wish.

Until we meet again,

-Thoy

Nocturnal Emissions: 0
Confidence: 47%

DAYS 9,10,11, 12, 13, &14

Two weeks in and I'm slumping in every aspect. However, I have yet to concede. That is the only positive take I can put on it. Through the first week I was golden thinking happy thoughts such as, "wow this is a breeze and not even a challenge anymore" and "I can't believe I have made such a big deal about this. This is cake." Well I had the same attitude for days 9 & 10 but once the weekend rolled around I was hit with reality. I had a lot of down time and was completely caught up on my programs so I spent a lot of time on the naked lady machine. There are only so many websites I can browse before I have the itch to go and see whats new in that world of porn that I love so much. Major set back. I thought I was done with the whole alt porn, suicide girls, punk chicks thing but a burning angels mega pack caught my eyes and I had to download to take a look. 6 gigs of girls that aren't even hot brought me to my breaking point. I came as close and you can come (cum) to failing at this objective. It rattled my confidence extremely. So I came to a enormous decision to delete my porn collection. No bloopers, no nothing. It was something I should have done before MOYD season because I don't just ctrl a and delete. No, I watch every little file one last time and than cry a little bit while I right click and delete. I confess here though that I failed at this. I couldn't part ways with some special clips of mine. My new plan is to put them all in a nice little folder and bury it the depth of my computer hoping to never set eyes on it until April 13th. Yes, yes that is what I will do.

I apologize for not doing a day by day analysis. I felt like it would be a carbon copy of last years running diary and I did not want to bore the audience. Also, I was struggling so much the past few days that I couldn't bring myself to this sacred place. I will try to be more punctual from now on though. 3 posts is not enough for 14 days, I realize this. 14 days. That puts me over a quarter way to the goal. While that sounds nice, I don't think I'll make it if the next 12 days are anything like the past few. I guess the only thing I can do is pray.

Special shout out to the Dan's new addition. Maybe someday when he's like 8 you can show him this special place and he can be honored that he was mentioned. No?

-thoy

Nocturnal Emissions: 0
Confidence: 5%

DAY 4,5,6,7 & 8

No worries.

I have not failed yet.

My apologizes for the massive opening cliffhanger but I assure you that I have not seized myself yet.


Nocturnal emissions: 0
Confidence Meter: 40%

-thoy

MOYD and many more

Sooooooo, it is that time of year again. The time when I embark on this hanus idea of giving up something that makes me extremely happy for lent. This will be the third year I attempt to not masturbate for this holy period. Year one I failed on technicality. Year two I struggled, but completed the quest. Year three I plan on breezing through the journey. As a reminder, I do not put myself through such brutal torture because I'm a super catholic, gun ho religious person, but because I love a challenge and this is a nice time period in which to take one on. If by doing this I get extra points in Jesus and God's eyes, so be it. I will say that I felt closer to God after keeping my hand off my unit last year.

This year I planned on upping the ante and challenging myself a bit more. In addition of becoming master of my domain, I planned on giving up soda (I have been addicted to some form of caffeine since I was twelve-years-old), cigarettes (I have been smoking for under a year and felt I needed to quit anyway), and to also not shave for the duration of lent, which is 46 days this year. After day one I had already failed at quitting cigs. This made me tell myself, "wow, hey, they really are addicting." So yeah, woops. Giving up soda will more than make up for this though. I haven't gone more than a week without some form of soda each day for a long long time. As far as the no shaving goes, that is really just something to do for others to gauge my progress during the moyd season. So you might see me 30 days into this and see a dirty looking being and say, "damn, he must be getting pretty close." This will also show how slow my facial hair actually grows.

So without further ado...

DAY 1, 2, & 3
I can recall from previous years that the first week and first few days specifically can end up being the toughest. I am fairing well though. I have only had thoughts to pull down my pants maybe twice each day. Today is a different tale, being that I'm not working at the moment and have a lot of downtime on my hand (ha pun!). Fortunately I am writing this now and keeping my mind off it (actually that is precisely what I'm not doing by writing this). I got the calendar all marked out. The mission is 46 days, 47 if you count Easter which I will undoubtedly do. As far as no soda goes, that is sucking. I got headaches immediately and have been popping (more pun!) pills constantly to maintain them. I fear it will take over a week to rid these pains but am hoping that once they're gone I will be in the clear for the projected 46 days.

It appears I will also be giving up my cars heater for lent because it decided to stop working. It made driving around in the snow storm last night even more fun. Today is cold though and I am getting pissed at that bitch legacy. She must know that I am punishing my well-being right now so she is doing the same as well. How nice. We're so close to the spring and nice weather though so it is unlikely that I get it fixed. I have spent way too much on it already this winter so I'll just tough it out.

Righty-o. I'll refrain from some of the ideas I had last year going into this. Like extra motivation to find a girl who likes to tug me off. HA. I'm a little more realistic and a lot more pathetic a year later. So for fans of people who like to watch me torture myself, I'll try to give you a ride into prosperity. I'll see you at the pearly gates.

-Thoy.

Confidence Meter: 80%

For my other blog that doesn't involve this nonsence but other kinds of nonsence go to here.

Farewell Blog

I'm done with this here blog.

You can find normal, non master of your domain, posts here

www.ahoythoy.blogspot.com

Will I ever return here on another conquest? Doubtful, but you never know.

Thanks for reading and thanks for believing.



- R.P. McMurphy

Completion of MOYD Numeral II

DAY FORTY SEVEN 6:20pm on 3/23/08

In all technical aspects of lent...I am done. I am done. I am done. I am done. Oh boy I am done. This year was longer and ten times harder and mentally damaging. But I am done. This is my first post since Tuesday. I did that on purpose. This last week was not easy like I thought it would be. I was very weak. I couldn't afford to come here and think about it even more. But I return, and I am done.

I really enjoyed mass today. I thought of it as a celebration- like when a politician wins the race. It was like that, but we also got a piece of wafer bread and a sip of wine. I'm kind of at a lost for words here, struggling to put something together one last time. All I can come up with is "I am done."

This puppy will still continue though. I'm not going to end the streak on the holiest day of the year. I promised Jesus that, today at church. Plus I am incredibly exhausted and might even make it to bed before midnight for once in my life. It might not even end tomorrow though. I have a really busy day ahead of me. I am moving one of my senile Great Aunts stuff from one home an hour away to another even further. Not exactly what I want to do to celebrate, and I was kind of con'd into helping today at easter too. But alas I am a good soul and will help my family because that is what family's are for. After that I have a hockey game. So tomorrow doesn't look like the end of this. After that it will be day 48, and than we will see where I go from there. It would be nice to end at 50. That is a solid number. It doesn't sound as funny though as 47 or 48. Like if someone to ask, in a general conversation,

"what is the longest you have gone without jerking off?"

"47 days"

That just sounds funny to me. 50 sounds fake. But 47, no, no one would make up that number. Mark Egan brought up to me though that his first reaction to this would be "umm, you know exactly how many days...ok?" So who knows, I'm more than likely standing alone here.

Alright, I'm going to go bask in glory for awhile. I'll be back here for probably one more update. I'm going to try and keep the blog going, 'cause it gives me an excuse to write. I'm more than likely going to get a new one though for a new start. I figure enough people have read this monster so I don't need to advertise it anymore. I'll post the new url here or my lj.

For the last time

Confidence Meter: 10!

Attempt at MOYD Numeral II

DAY FORTY TWO 6:00pm on 3/18/08

Too hungover to even think about this.

I have to get this post out of the way and than go lay some more.

Confidence Meter: 7

Attempt at MOYD Numeral II

DAY FORTY ONE 10:26pm on 3/17/08

Today marks numerous occasions. First off, today is St. Patty's Day- the greatest none holiday there is. It's also thrill houses b-day. Can't forget that. It sucks to have a b-day on a non national holiday but Ill gets a pass because his b-day coincides with a drinkin' holiday.

More importantly today is the forty first day in a row that I have not jerked off. That is a new all time high. I'm kind of glowing right now. Assholes are in the other room playing "drinking games". The best part is that I started drinking way before these fucks because. I'm actually Irish (thanks poppop I love you!) and I'm more gone than than them but I can still manage to post here because it's still in the best nature of the cause.

I miss Sean, an actual Irish man!

Feeling so confident that I sleep naked these days! FUCK YOU!

Confidence Meter: 8-HOLY SHIT

Attempt at MOYD Numeral II

DAY FORTY 10:25pm on 3/16/08

This is what we call the home stretch. I can see the light ahead. You can basically insert any of your favorite clichés here and it will work. Tom is back to power me through this. I can't see myself failing at this, especially at this point.

Confidence Meter: 7

Attempt at MOYD Numeral II

DAY THIRTY EIGHT/NINE 5:07am on 3/15/08

Finally under ten days. That feels so good.

I didn't have a chance to update yesterday because Andrew and myself went down to Bayside around 4 pm and proceeded to spend the entire night there. It was all capped off by another Blake Hoffarber miracle play... AWWW good times

This shit has nothing on me.


->still drunk 5:09am

Confidence Meter: 6

Attempt at MOYD Numeral II

DAY THIRTY SEVEN 7:05pm on 3/13/08

I fucked up again. I can't say I only have ten days until tomorrow. Goddammit.

Today hasn't been bad. There were some decent hoops games that kept me intrigued/entertained. The faster I get to the weekend, the better off my mindset will be.

Confidence Meter: 3

Attempt at MOYD Numeral II

DAY THIRTY SIX 5:14pm on 3/12/08

A few entries ago I mentioned that I might have screwed up the days but I would save that discovery for a different date. That day was today and I, in fact, screwed up the days- for the worse. I thought today would be the marker where I could say I only had ten days left. A glance at the calendar tells me otherwise. That day is in fact tomorrow. Ugh. Nothing is going right this week.

Confidence Meter: 2

Attempt at MOYD Numeral II

DAY THIRTY FIVE 9:02pm on 3/11/08

It has been a touch day.

Nothing blog worthy.

The anger is rising.

Ryan Sheckler is not helping.

Confidence Meter: 2

Attempt at MOYD Numeral II

DAY THIRTY FOUR 7:38pm on 3/10/08

I foresee this week being the toughest yet. The only reason I say that is because many of my peeps will be around next week for portions and they will be able to carry me to the promise land. I think I'll strap on the nut cup and just see what happens. This naked lady machine has been killing me. It is crucial that I avoid it as much as possible. I might sleep out on the couch some nights too, that might work. My mood will probably be very unattractive- pretty much the male version of PMS. Post Masturbation Syndrome.

Fuck this. Seriously.

Confidence Meter: 3

Attempt at MOYD Numeral II

DAY THIRTY THREE 3:23pm on 3/9/08

I might need to go to church sometime before Easter Sunday. This conquest is heavily personal and not so much spiritual. Thats entirely ok, I have had that mentality from the get go. However, I feel that if I attend church that I might be able to receive some sort of deeper validation for giving up something so severe. There could be great praise being able to sit next to every-week Sunday church goers, knowing that they too have giving up something close to them. The ultimate confidence booster would be knowing that whatever they gave up for lent is no way more impressive than what I have. Definite ticket into Heaven.

Confidence Meter: 5

Attempt at MOYD Numeral II

DAY THIRTY TWO 4:49pm on 3/8/08

Today should be a breeze (see all other Saturday posts. This Saturday should be even easier because there seems to be actual stuff going on, so that leaves little time to myself. If Saturday Fun Day pans out, I should be to day thirty three in no time.

Confidence Meter: 7

Attempt at MOYD Numeral II

DAY THIRTY ONE 6:27pm on 3/7/08

I'm really starting to hope that somehow I miss counted and that I'm closer to Easter than I think. I'm waiting to go back and confirm the days for a later, more shaky, date.


Go Benilde!

Confidence Meter: 6