DAY THIRTY 9:18 on 3/6/08
My days are simply becoming check marks on the calendar. I'm not trying to sound moving or poetic, that's just the way it is. I don't look at days as days, as a period of twenty four hours where stuff happens. I look at them as being a check mark that gets closer to that circle around the 23rd.
In other news, I got my computer back. It was in Young America and I had been using my moms laptop. Having this naked lady machine at my disposal is really quite the distraction. My mom's laptop really wasn't a naked lady machine. It was just something to check email with and post here. Comparing the two would be like post and pre Target Mongoose BMX bikes (If you know what I'm saying)
Confidence Meter: 5
3/5/08
Attempt at MOYD Numeral II
DAY TWENTY EIGHT/TWENTY NINE 3:15 on 03/5/08
I'm checking in on this from the public library. I came to do research. I'm surrounded by multiple people and they have no clue that I'm currently typing in a blog about not cumming.
I'm getting there I suppose. I feel like if I get through this week and get it under 10 days than I'll be super motivated to push till the end. This week shouldn't be an issue. Last night I tried to get drunk off of wine. It just wasn't happening. People tell me it grows on you and that all of a sudden you'll just love it. I don't see that happening. I'd rather just drink alcohol or beer. I didn't sleep much last night. It's been like that since the puppy moved in. Speaking of which, I had to get away from him. In a total of one hour this morning, he pissed ten times- no bullshit. Six times outside and four inside. Fucking weird dog. So I was angry at him and of course, once again, he just walks in my lap and falls asleep. Oh puppies.
I'm staying moderately busy this week so there isn't really a lot of downtime to think about jerking off. Plus the High School Hockey Tournament started today. Four games a day for the next few days. That's plenty of entertainment to allow me to sit easy. Alright, I have some work to do (College tourney bracketing) and they only allow you to be on these comps for an hour, so I have to get going.
Confidence Meter: 7
I'm checking in on this from the public library. I came to do research. I'm surrounded by multiple people and they have no clue that I'm currently typing in a blog about not cumming.
I'm getting there I suppose. I feel like if I get through this week and get it under 10 days than I'll be super motivated to push till the end. This week shouldn't be an issue. Last night I tried to get drunk off of wine. It just wasn't happening. People tell me it grows on you and that all of a sudden you'll just love it. I don't see that happening. I'd rather just drink alcohol or beer. I didn't sleep much last night. It's been like that since the puppy moved in. Speaking of which, I had to get away from him. In a total of one hour this morning, he pissed ten times- no bullshit. Six times outside and four inside. Fucking weird dog. So I was angry at him and of course, once again, he just walks in my lap and falls asleep. Oh puppies.
I'm staying moderately busy this week so there isn't really a lot of downtime to think about jerking off. Plus the High School Hockey Tournament started today. Four games a day for the next few days. That's plenty of entertainment to allow me to sit easy. Alright, I have some work to do (College tourney bracketing) and they only allow you to be on these comps for an hour, so I have to get going.
Confidence Meter: 7
3/3/08
Attempt at MOYD Numeral II
DAY TWENTY SEVEN 9:08pm on 3/3/08
I might have found my savior. His name is Soleil (don't ask) and is a six week old puppy. Justin purchased him on Friday and he just might be the thing that keeps me going. This morning, after Justin and Megan left for work, he was in his kennel crying. The first couple of nights he would do this and eventually stop. Not this morning though. I sat there staring at my ceiling (the dog is directly above me and sound travels perfectly through the vents)thinking, "goddamnit." So I got up and let him out and brought him out to pee and whatnot. We proceeded to play for the rest of the day. He would get crazy and start gnawing at my clothes and toes and I would freak out and yell. Than he would just come and lay on me and fall asleep. We had two glorious naps together. We're going to be best friends.
Note: I'm loosing the comp for a few days tomorrow and will have to catch up on posts later.
Confidence Meter: 6
I might have found my savior. His name is Soleil (don't ask) and is a six week old puppy. Justin purchased him on Friday and he just might be the thing that keeps me going. This morning, after Justin and Megan left for work, he was in his kennel crying. The first couple of nights he would do this and eventually stop. Not this morning though. I sat there staring at my ceiling (the dog is directly above me and sound travels perfectly through the vents)thinking, "goddamnit." So I got up and let him out and brought him out to pee and whatnot. We proceeded to play for the rest of the day. He would get crazy and start gnawing at my clothes and toes and I would freak out and yell. Than he would just come and lay on me and fall asleep. We had two glorious naps together. We're going to be best friends.
Note: I'm loosing the comp for a few days tomorrow and will have to catch up on posts later.
Confidence Meter: 6
3/2/08
Attempt at MOYD Numeral II
DAY TWENTY SIX 8:39pm on 3/2/08
Boring day. Sitting around the house. No one else is home. Not even the new puppy to play with.
Test of my true will ahead.
Confidence Meter: 1
Boring day. Sitting around the house. No one else is home. Not even the new puppy to play with.
Test of my true will ahead.
Confidence Meter: 1
3/1/08
Attempt at MOYD Numeral II
DAY TWENTY FIVE 8:47pm on 3/1/08
A new month. Hopefully a new outlook on this shitfest of an idea. It is comforting to look at my calendar and actually see Easter Sunday.
It's the weekend. I don't have problems with this on the weekend. I always have something going on, plus I work late nights so there is no lying in bed-can't fall asleep time to worry about. I don't know, if March lives up to the potential of being awesome that it should, I might be able to get through this without going completely crazy. Heres to that wishful thinking.
Confidence Meter: 5
A new month. Hopefully a new outlook on this shitfest of an idea. It is comforting to look at my calendar and actually see Easter Sunday.
It's the weekend. I don't have problems with this on the weekend. I always have something going on, plus I work late nights so there is no lying in bed-can't fall asleep time to worry about. I don't know, if March lives up to the potential of being awesome that it should, I might be able to get through this without going completely crazy. Heres to that wishful thinking.
Confidence Meter: 5
2/29/08
Attempt at MOYD Numeral II
DAY TWENTY FOUR 11:59pm on 2/29/08
Hey its leap day!. I won't get to jerk off on a leap day for another four years. I better jump all over this opportunity. Or I'll just get drunk and cry.
Confidence Meter: 3
Hey its leap day!. I won't get to jerk off on a leap day for another four years. I better jump all over this opportunity. Or I'll just get drunk and cry.
Confidence Meter: 3
2/28/08
Attempt at MOYD Numeral II
DAY TWENTY THREE 2/28/08
This is the halfway point to this disaster. There were some times during the first half where I was feeling rather confident in a successful end to this. However, when I compare the first half of this years lent to last years, I feel like this is a lost cause. All kinds of different shit is happening to me this year that never occurred last year. I don't want to go into detail about the "shit" on here though. It's really unfortunate too, I feel Jesus watching over my shoulder every time I write one of these journals. I wonder if he has the internet. Well fuck, I'm really bumming myself out right now.
Confidence Meter: 2
This is the halfway point to this disaster. There were some times during the first half where I was feeling rather confident in a successful end to this. However, when I compare the first half of this years lent to last years, I feel like this is a lost cause. All kinds of different shit is happening to me this year that never occurred last year. I don't want to go into detail about the "shit" on here though. It's really unfortunate too, I feel Jesus watching over my shoulder every time I write one of these journals. I wonder if he has the internet. Well fuck, I'm really bumming myself out right now.
Confidence Meter: 2
2/27/08
Attempt at MOYD Numeral II
DAY TWENTY TWO 11:58 on 2/27/08
Tonight Justin, Andy, and myself went down to Mariucci for two hockey section championship games. Benilde vs. Minnetonka and Burnsville vs. Edina. It was awesome. Both games went into overtime and were really exciting. Benilde beat tonka and Edina beat Burnsiville. The place was a zoo. It took forever to get down there and actually into the game. Most packed non-state game I have ever seen. So needless to say there were a lot of females there. Thats all I am going to say and I'll end on a Dan Frost quote:
"Man I hope this feeling fades before I'm 30"
Confidence Meter: 4
Tonight Justin, Andy, and myself went down to Mariucci for two hockey section championship games. Benilde vs. Minnetonka and Burnsville vs. Edina. It was awesome. Both games went into overtime and were really exciting. Benilde beat tonka and Edina beat Burnsiville. The place was a zoo. It took forever to get down there and actually into the game. Most packed non-state game I have ever seen. So needless to say there were a lot of females there. Thats all I am going to say and I'll end on a Dan Frost quote:
"Man I hope this feeling fades before I'm 30"
Confidence Meter: 4
2/26/08
Attempt at MOYD Numeral II
DAY TWENTY ONE 8:57pm on 2/26/08
Keltie Martin is to 2008 lent as Jumanji was to 2007 lent.
Confidence Meter: 4
Keltie Martin is to 2008 lent as Jumanji was to 2007 lent.
Confidence Meter: 4
2/25/08
Attempt at MOYD Numeral II
DAY TWENTY 11:04 on 2/25/08
Because I'm doing so well with this I started to think I could pretty much quit anything. So I went ahead and tried to quit soda. I drink way too much. That was going well, I stopped on Monday. Before, when I have tried to quit, I would get pretty intense headaches. That didn't happen this time. It was going great, but than Justin's friends, who came up for the weekend, left a bunch of alcohol (awesome!)and mixers. I was sitting around today and I poured myself a cup of coke, not even really realizing it. I was just like, "fuck". Since than I have polished off the rest of the 2 liter.
Its moments like this this that keep me in check on not whacking off. It was a nice wake up call on day twenty.
Confidence Meter: 5
Because I'm doing so well with this I started to think I could pretty much quit anything. So I went ahead and tried to quit soda. I drink way too much. That was going well, I stopped on Monday. Before, when I have tried to quit, I would get pretty intense headaches. That didn't happen this time. It was going great, but than Justin's friends, who came up for the weekend, left a bunch of alcohol (awesome!)and mixers. I was sitting around today and I poured myself a cup of coke, not even really realizing it. I was just like, "fuck". Since than I have polished off the rest of the 2 liter.
Its moments like this this that keep me in check on not whacking off. It was a nice wake up call on day twenty.
Confidence Meter: 5
2/24/08
Attempt at MOYD Numeral II
DAY NINETEEN 6:07pm on 2/24/08
I'm too exhausted right now to even think about jerking off. I would probably fall asleep midway through (see 2/10 entry). Hopefully this translates to me getting to bed at a decent hour. I have to hit the job scene hard tomorrow. No time to jerk off.
Confidence Meter: 8
I'm too exhausted right now to even think about jerking off. I would probably fall asleep midway through (see 2/10 entry). Hopefully this translates to me getting to bed at a decent hour. I have to hit the job scene hard tomorrow. No time to jerk off.
Confidence Meter: 8
2/23/08
Attempt at MOYD Numeral II
DAY EIGHTEEN 6:30 on 02/23/08
Smooth sailing for the next couple of days. Justin has a bunch of his buddies from school coming up for a concert or something and they will be spending the night here, in the basement, tonight and tomorrow. As fun as it would be to blare porn at 5 am when I get done with work...I think I'll refrain.
Confidence Meter: 7
Smooth sailing for the next couple of days. Justin has a bunch of his buddies from school coming up for a concert or something and they will be spending the night here, in the basement, tonight and tomorrow. As fun as it would be to blare porn at 5 am when I get done with work...I think I'll refrain.
Confidence Meter: 7
2/22/08
Attempt at MOYD Numeral II
DAY SEVENTEEN 9:43pm on 02/22/08
Today while shifting through the city pages at work I came across an add for sperm donations for cash. Being pretty strapped for cash, this was quite the trick on Jesus' (City Page editors) part.
Confidence Meter: 7
Today while shifting through the city pages at work I came across an add for sperm donations for cash. Being pretty strapped for cash, this was quite the trick on Jesus' (City Page editors) part.
Confidence Meter: 7
2/21/08
Attempt at MOYD Numeral II
DAY SIXTEEN 11:08 on 02/21/08
I think people want to see me fail at this. My friends at least. I don't blame them, seeing that this is pretty much torture for normal males. Last night at Chris' we watched Death Race 2000, a hilarious "satiric" movie from the 70's about a race where people get points for running over people. But there were some obligatory boobies scenes. I mean its just like that vintage shit I mentioned several entries ago, nothing special. Still, someone in my situation shouldn't be sat in front of stuff like that. I mean the porn bloopers are different. Thats on my own time and it was a way for me to let loose a little in this game. 70's big nipple boobies were on Chris' time and he kept looking at me during every nudie scene and shifting his eyebrows all fast and queer like. So, yea, you're a true friend of Jesus if you don't want to see me fail.
Confidence Meter: 6
I think people want to see me fail at this. My friends at least. I don't blame them, seeing that this is pretty much torture for normal males. Last night at Chris' we watched Death Race 2000, a hilarious "satiric" movie from the 70's about a race where people get points for running over people. But there were some obligatory boobies scenes. I mean its just like that vintage shit I mentioned several entries ago, nothing special. Still, someone in my situation shouldn't be sat in front of stuff like that. I mean the porn bloopers are different. Thats on my own time and it was a way for me to let loose a little in this game. 70's big nipple boobies were on Chris' time and he kept looking at me during every nudie scene and shifting his eyebrows all fast and queer like. So, yea, you're a true friend of Jesus if you don't want to see me fail.
Confidence Meter: 6
2/20/08
Attempt at MOYD Numeral II
DAY FIFTEEN 2:57pm on 02/20/08
Two weeks in, about five to go, little over a month. Full swing into it now. Still not even half way through though. Oh well. I just watched porno bloopers for about ten minutes because I needed to see some boobies, but not in a complete sexual way. There are some damn funny bloopers out there.
Last night I watched Gone, Baby, Gone. Casey Affleck stars in it and is a bad ass. He is a great actor. What does this have to do with jerking off? ... no, I'm not that gay. It has to deal with jerking off because every time I see Casey Affleck I automatically think of the character he plays in Good Will Hunting, Morgan. His character is damn funny in that movie. So last night when I was watching the movie and was thinking of Morgan, I thought about the scene when Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, and that other dude are just sitting around the house and they hear porn sounds and they yell at Morgan and he comes running down all exhausted and says, "Whats up fellas?" Funny scene. Thats all I got.
Confidence Meter: 7
Two weeks in, about five to go, little over a month. Full swing into it now. Still not even half way through though. Oh well. I just watched porno bloopers for about ten minutes because I needed to see some boobies, but not in a complete sexual way. There are some damn funny bloopers out there.
Last night I watched Gone, Baby, Gone. Casey Affleck stars in it and is a bad ass. He is a great actor. What does this have to do with jerking off? ... no, I'm not that gay. It has to deal with jerking off because every time I see Casey Affleck I automatically think of the character he plays in Good Will Hunting, Morgan. His character is damn funny in that movie. So last night when I was watching the movie and was thinking of Morgan, I thought about the scene when Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, and that other dude are just sitting around the house and they hear porn sounds and they yell at Morgan and he comes running down all exhausted and says, "Whats up fellas?" Funny scene. Thats all I got.
Confidence Meter: 7
2/19/08
Attempt at MOYD Numeral II
DAY FOURTEEN 10:55pm on 02/19/08
I'm kind of running out of juice for this diary deal. I feel like the biggest highlight for this would be when/if I blow it and jerk off. I will just say that I'm feeling pretty confident in success lately. I have had no impulses to whack it for awhile. I'm in the zone.
Confidence Meter: 8 (Note that the meter will probably never go over 8 because there is always that chance that I might blow it on an uncontrollable impulse.
I'm kind of running out of juice for this diary deal. I feel like the biggest highlight for this would be when/if I blow it and jerk off. I will just say that I'm feeling pretty confident in success lately. I have had no impulses to whack it for awhile. I'm in the zone.
Confidence Meter: 8 (Note that the meter will probably never go over 8 because there is always that chance that I might blow it on an uncontrollable impulse.
2/18/08
Attempt at MOYD Numeral II
DAY THIRTEEN 9:07pm on 02/18/08
I don't have much to say tonight. I was suppose to sub in for one of my brothers friends hockey teams but he never called me. I was really looking forward to that. Now I have all this time. There might be an urge to jerk off but right now there isn't. I might just go to bed.
Confidence Meter: 6
I don't have much to say tonight. I was suppose to sub in for one of my brothers friends hockey teams but he never called me. I was really looking forward to that. Now I have all this time. There might be an urge to jerk off but right now there isn't. I might just go to bed.
Confidence Meter: 6
2/17/08
Attempt at MOYD Numeral II
DAY ELEVEN/TWELVE 5:32am on 02/16/08
Day ten is a huge milestone. I'm pretty sure I mentioned that in the last entry so it might seem like I'm dragging on themes, which is true- the overall theme of not jerking off. No, but seriously, saying I haven't jerked off in ten days is impressive. Most healthy males my age cannot say such a thing at this moment, which makes it the first proud* moment of this challenge. More people know that I am doing this again which is a great thing, partly because I posted a ling to here on my lost lj and also because of general lent talk. I strive on the pressure. An audience just escalates the end product. I think I should of held out longer though. I did the same thing about midway last year and it seemed to propel me to the end. My early lack of confidence probably pushed me to go public though. Nonetheless, heres to me, ten days sober (celibate). 36 to go!
Funny related note- I have a calender up in my room and I have been crossing out the days since lent. Andres was over tonight and noticed it and said "I totally used to do that when I was a kid." I said, "Oh yea? You crossed off the days since you last masturbated too?" He didn't see that coming and we both laughed like bastards.
*my definition of proud is fucked up.
Confidence Meter: 7
Day ten is a huge milestone. I'm pretty sure I mentioned that in the last entry so it might seem like I'm dragging on themes, which is true- the overall theme of not jerking off. No, but seriously, saying I haven't jerked off in ten days is impressive. Most healthy males my age cannot say such a thing at this moment, which makes it the first proud* moment of this challenge. More people know that I am doing this again which is a great thing, partly because I posted a ling to here on my lost lj and also because of general lent talk. I strive on the pressure. An audience just escalates the end product. I think I should of held out longer though. I did the same thing about midway last year and it seemed to propel me to the end. My early lack of confidence probably pushed me to go public though. Nonetheless, heres to me, ten days sober (celibate). 36 to go!
Funny related note- I have a calender up in my room and I have been crossing out the days since lent. Andres was over tonight and noticed it and said "I totally used to do that when I was a kid." I said, "Oh yea? You crossed off the days since you last masturbated too?" He didn't see that coming and we both laughed like bastards.
*my definition of proud is fucked up.
Confidence Meter: 7
2/15/08
Attempt at MOYD Numeral II
DAY TEN 9:45pm on 02/15/08
Since I'm the seasoned pro at this master of domain shpeel, I know that this game is about baby steps and Day 10 in a huge baby step. Today is day nine. Almost day ten. Thats how you get through this game. You rip off chunks of ten. I'm feeling good.
Confidence Meter: 7
Since I'm the seasoned pro at this master of domain shpeel, I know that this game is about baby steps and Day 10 in a huge baby step. Today is day nine. Almost day ten. Thats how you get through this game. You rip off chunks of ten. I'm feeling good.
Confidence Meter: 7
2/14/08
Attempt at MOYD Numeral II
DAY NINE 9:07 on 02/14/08
Valentine's Day. Nuff said. Maybe not. Valentine's Day might be the one day out of the year when I don't want to jerk off. I'm already lonely enough on this holiday that jerking off just makes it that much more lonelier. I don't want to be a sap or anything but twenty two Valentine's days alone is pretty discouraging. I should change that. Creating a journal like this will help!! Fuck me.
Whatever, like I said, I don't care to relieve myself on this day. Last Valentine's Day I was just starting this whole mess of a challenge and I spent the night by myself watching Marie Antoinette (for those who don't know I have had a thing for Kirsten Dunst since Jumanji- fuck off) and drinking really shitty vodka. Once I saw her bum in that movie I almost lost it. That was a very dismal night. This year is different. I just got done playing a great game of hockey with a lot of the people we used to play with back in the day. That made me really happy because pick up games have been pretty disappointing for the last couple seasons. In addition to that I have late night Wild to watch. One similarity to last year- I shall get a taste. Good Day you fucking dick head of a journal.
Confidence Meter: 8 ( No kidding? )
Valentine's Day. Nuff said. Maybe not. Valentine's Day might be the one day out of the year when I don't want to jerk off. I'm already lonely enough on this holiday that jerking off just makes it that much more lonelier. I don't want to be a sap or anything but twenty two Valentine's days alone is pretty discouraging. I should change that. Creating a journal like this will help!! Fuck me.
Whatever, like I said, I don't care to relieve myself on this day. Last Valentine's Day I was just starting this whole mess of a challenge and I spent the night by myself watching Marie Antoinette (for those who don't know I have had a thing for Kirsten Dunst since Jumanji- fuck off) and drinking really shitty vodka. Once I saw her bum in that movie I almost lost it. That was a very dismal night. This year is different. I just got done playing a great game of hockey with a lot of the people we used to play with back in the day. That made me really happy because pick up games have been pretty disappointing for the last couple seasons. In addition to that I have late night Wild to watch. One similarity to last year- I shall get a taste. Good Day you fucking dick head of a journal.
Confidence Meter: 8 ( No kidding? )
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